Satisfaction?

satisfaction

satisfaction

Last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. As our passion began to heat up she said, “I don’t feel like it. I just want you to hold me.” I said, “WHAT?! What was that?!” She said, “You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?” Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The next day I took off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big department store. I walked around with her as she tried on several very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to go with her new clothes, so I said, “Lets get a pair for each outfit.” We went on to the j3welry counter where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. She was so excited. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet. I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.” I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No baby, I don’t feel like it.” Her face went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?” I said, “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” Just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?” Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either… but at least she knows I’m smarter than her.

Simple logic

Simple logic

Simple logic

I heard you like bad boy, those guys who act like they don’t care about you, which makes you try harder to make them like you.
Those guys who wouldn’t reply to your texts until later on, which makes you wait around and miss him more.
Those guys who act distant from you, which makes you try harder to get their attention.
Those guys who know they can get a lot of girls, which makes you more afraid to lose them.
Those guys who would show you they’re interested one day then act different the next day, which makes you too confused to make the decision to leave him.
Those guys who will make you fall for them but they can care less, which makes you stuck and not being able to move on cause you care too much.
Has anyone ever told you you deserve better than that?
You probably have and you know what?
It’s about time you realize that If a guy likes you, he’ll meet you halfway.
Simple as that. Don’t settle for a bad boy when you deserve a good man.
SINCERELY,
A Guy Who Cares

And so What?

We wrote UACE together and now you are a graduate, but am still struggling with books. And so what? Does that make you better than me? Even as we must not get jealous of the success of others, we must not also for any reason look down on yourself. You have not done it, but you will because you can! Never feel belittled because your contemporary is succeeding while you are struggling. You are on your way coming. When you arrive, you will be the latest around.
They are getting married, but you are not even in a relationship. And so what? You are too unique to compete with others. They are buying houses, and you can’t even afford your rent. And so what? Does that make them better than you?
This status is not to encourage laziness, procrastination, and failure. It is to tell you that you have the potentials to be who you want to be. Shrug off competition. Live your life. Don’t run at the pace of others. He wrote his first book at 17, another wrote her first at 80. Didn’t they both write? They are both authors. Don’t kill yourself in trying to meet the expectations of others. He is a special adviser to the
president, and you are looking for a job. And so what? You could become the president someday, and appoint him as a minister. And so what? And so what? And so what?
And remember life is what you make out of it…slow and steady wins the race..
let’s keep marching.I’ll just 4 my Time and U too also

10 THINGS YOU MUST DO BEFORE YOU HIT 40 YEARS.

1. Begin to put money in the bank and learn to leave it there.
2. Date the right person .
3. Get your own place, stop having
roommates .
4. Get out of debt .
5. Get that body you always dreamed of and maintain it.
6. Surround yourself with people that will take you a step ahead.
7. Start to accumulate fortune and
wealth .
8. Learn to dress well not sexy.
9. Accept that you are an adult and stop kiddish behaviors .
10. Let go of the past and look forward to the future

What’s your take?

1} Never you depend on your
boyfriend like he is
your father, show
him that before he met you, you
are comfortable
and without him you
can still be comfortable.
2} Do not detaste a man because
he is not rich.
rather remember
that, he who is rich 2day may not
be rich 2moro
and he who is poor
may not be poor forever,
Richness is like a table
fan, it Rotates.
3} Never you say real men
doesn’t come to you
when all about you is
fake, dresscode, lifestyle, your
name, background
e.t.c
4} Don’t say men are just after
your body when you
show off all your
body parts. The way you dress is
the way people
address you.
5} Do not say you have dated him
for years yet he
doesn’t want to
move the relationship to the next
level, my sister
every relationship
must not end in marriage.
6} Do not say all men are the
same due to
heartbreak, remember
even the bible said: as our facial
aspect differs
same goes to our
charracters and lifestyles.
7} Do not hate relationship
because of past
experience, rather know
that every relationship is a lesson
and I tell you,
never you close your
eyes because of the bad things
you have seen
because you will never
know when the good one passes
by if your eyes are
close, don’t give
up on love.
8} Do not be in a hurry to marry
because as God
knows your birthday
same goes to your death day, he
knows all our
profile because we are
only but pencils in the hand of
the creator, when
your time comes it
will happen just like death.
9} You say guys are not serious
with you, when the
background of your
pictures are always in a hotel
room, Joints and
inside different cars
when your not a mechanic, on
facebook you have
more than 4353
friends, you are on bbm with
over 1000 bbm
contacts, your on 2go with
more than 2000friends not to
talk of Badoo.
Whatsapp, Eskimi, and
many more. Which means you
are emotionally
confused.
10} Always know that things
happens the way God
wants it.

Jamaican Psalmist

The Lord ah mi one boss, and mi nuh fi want nutt’n. Ah Him ah prevent mi from tell off people everyday. Ah Him ah gimme peace, when so-so madness a gwan roun’ mi. Ah Him ah remine mi fi pray and fi do everyting widout complain, murmur or kiss mi teet. Ah Him ah remine mi dat ah Him, noh mi job, ah mi source, although lickle more pay woulda nice. Ah Him ah ‘top mi from mad a daytime, an’ ah guide mi decision dem so mi can honor Him inna hev’ryting. Ah Him ah prevent mi from shoot up di whole place, an’ tun’ all mi supervisor dem inna some duppy, so mi no haffi go ah prison an’ live ‘mongst ah bag ah battyman or get heng. Even though mi get one whole heap of e-mail, fool fool deadline fi work wid, have some co-worker dem whey a chat mi behine mi back, some big heediat fi supervisor, an’ ah howl body dat kyaan’ mek it a morning time, mi nah give up because Him deh wid mi! Him presence, Him peace, an’ Him power ah go si mi through. Ah Him ah raise mi up, even when di heediat dem nah promote mi hard working self, though mi have three set a degree an’ diploma. Ah Him claim mi as fi Him own, even when di company ah threaten fi fiah mi an’ me ah threaten fi light wan fiah an’ bun di whole place ah grung. Fi Him faithfulness an’ love betta dan any bonus check, but yu si mi, a check woulda help out some time. Fi Him retirement plan betta dan every pension plan outta road, but mek anybady try rob this place yah an yuh see wha ‘appen out yah tiday: Suhmaddy bettah run to hell! When unnu done talk; Ah Him mi ah go wuk fah fi wan long time. So Tank Yuh Lord

ABC’S OF MY EX-GIRLFRIENDS (F.Y.I. They Are Thirty Three (33))

ImageA – is for Arteries.You know, the things that my ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn’t care for me – a twit. She was only after my money and could have given a shit about me.

B – is for Bitter. Who? Me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have two (2) children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!!

C – is for Call Ya Later. She wouldn’t. She never had before.

D – is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E – is for Eating Like A Pig. Remember when I took her out and she said, “I’m not hungry.” So I figured I could take her to a nice place because I was able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than Ssekyanzi (Remember Ssekyanzi, the one who was doing Sciences at E.S.S.S and used to step in his food?) So I flip the bill and was broke for the next two weeks and she wondered why I was unable to call her that week and go see movies.

F – is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if I can even stand to look at her.

G – is for Gun. And yes, there is a waiting period.

H – is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, I figure it out.

I – stands for I Still Hate Her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favours.

J – stands for Jimmy. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn’t Jim have a nice car? Doesn’t Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jimmy. Jimmy is my mortal enemy.

K – stands for Kill.

L – is for Love. It’s a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.

M – stands for Mephistopheles. That is who she worked for.

N – stands for Necrophilia. She didn’t move very much. Did she?

O – is for On Top. When she was on top, she had another O word.

P – is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now suing me for a few hundred thousand shillings a month.

Q – is for Quitter. She couldn’t last.

R – is for Rich Little Bitch. She bought my love but I paid for it.

S – stands for Suffer. That’s what she made me do.

T – is for Torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured me with the truth. She also tortured me with lies.

U – is for Understatement. Saying I Hate that Bitch is an understatement.

V – is for Voluptous. That is the primary reason I was dating her in the first place.

W – stands for Whine. She was a pro at this.

X – is for Xylophone. Because X is always for Xylophone.

Y – stands for You Suck! Remember when she yelled that at me.

Z – stands for ZIPPER. That’s what I got my hair stuck in while trying to get dressed up too quickly while she yelled “QUICK, They are Home.”

. – stands for Period. Which is a couple of weeks late because she lied about taking what P stands for. It also means you won’t be getting any for a week.