The Uganda you will never see on TV.

Uganda “The pearl of Africa” is one of the most beautiful countries in the world. I am not saying this because I am Ugandan but this becomes crystal clear the moment you start travelling around. For so many years Africa in general has always been misrepresented by the western media, trying to make it seem a desparate place only full of ghettos and sick children and the problem is Africans have not written their side of the story and for god’s sake what would you expect if every media house is looking for that next hot cake story? only lies. Here I am to write my own Ugandan story as an African man.

This summer I had a longer holiday so I decided to go on an adventurous vacation back home in Uganda after some time being away and to my surprise I discovered a beautiful, beautiful …

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Sins of The Ex

#UgBlogWeek : Curated Stories from Day One

Joel B Ntwatwa

Good morning.

#UgBlogWeek kicked off yesterday. The 7 day blog got off to some great blogging. Below is a curated list from the shares on social media. Some blogs are reposts, some are from before yesterday, and some are from news sites with tips. However the majority (44) are from fresh posts from Day 1. Topics range from politics to unemployment, travel, creative writing, fashion and poetry. They are arranged in chronological order, that is, time of publishing/sharing. Enjoy.

  1. My Wandering Journey -Little feet that never stay still…(UGBlogWeek) The Commute Series: Familiar Faces
  2. Impressions – Development critic, Poetry fanatic, A missy and her words. Beyond Dreams
  3. Joel Jjemba – Under Construction Day 1
  4. An Editor’s Dream – I call this practice A Fighting Chance
  5. Uganda Gospel Life Artiste to Artistes 10 Most Annoying Habits of Artistes 
  6. Her Musings All Skin is Good Skin 
  7. The Hope Monger And So What? 
  8. Coffee…

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1. Begin to put money in the bank and learn to leave it there.
2. Date the right person .
3. Get your own place, stop having
roommates .
4. Get out of debt .
5. Get that body you always dreamed of and maintain it.
6. Surround yourself with people that will take you a step ahead.
7. Start to accumulate fortune and
wealth .
8. Learn to dress well not sexy.
9. Accept that you are an adult and stop kiddish behaviors .
10. Let go of the past and look forward to the future

What’s your take?

1} Never you depend on your
boyfriend like he is
your father, show
him that before he met you, you
are comfortable
and without him you
can still be comfortable.
2} Do not detaste a man because
he is not rich.
rather remember
that, he who is rich 2day may not
be rich 2moro
and he who is poor
may not be poor forever,
Richness is like a table
fan, it Rotates.
3} Never you say real men
doesn’t come to you
when all about you is
fake, dresscode, lifestyle, your
name, background
4} Don’t say men are just after
your body when you
show off all your
body parts. The way you dress is
the way people
address you.
5} Do not say you have dated him
for years yet he
doesn’t want to
move the relationship to the next
level, my sister
every relationship
must not end in marriage.
6} Do not say all men are the
same due to
heartbreak, remember
even the bible said: as our facial
aspect differs
same goes to our
charracters and lifestyles.
7} Do not hate relationship
because of past
experience, rather know
that every relationship is a lesson
and I tell you,
never you close your
eyes because of the bad things
you have seen
because you will never
know when the good one passes
by if your eyes are
close, don’t give
up on love.
8} Do not be in a hurry to marry
because as God
knows your birthday
same goes to your death day, he
knows all our
profile because we are
only but pencils in the hand of
the creator, when
your time comes it
will happen just like death.
9} You say guys are not serious
with you, when the
background of your
pictures are always in a hotel
room, Joints and
inside different cars
when your not a mechanic, on
facebook you have
more than 4353
friends, you are on bbm with
over 1000 bbm
contacts, your on 2go with
more than 2000friends not to
talk of Badoo.
Whatsapp, Eskimi, and
many more. Which means you
are emotionally
10} Always know that things
happens the way God
wants it.

Jamaican Psalmist

The Lord ah mi one boss, and mi nuh fi want nutt’n. Ah Him ah prevent mi from tell off people everyday. Ah Him ah gimme peace, when so-so madness a gwan roun’ mi. Ah Him ah remine mi fi pray and fi do everyting widout complain, murmur or kiss mi teet. Ah Him ah remine mi dat ah Him, noh mi job, ah mi source, although lickle more pay woulda nice. Ah Him ah ‘top mi from mad a daytime, an’ ah guide mi decision dem so mi can honor Him inna hev’ryting. Ah Him ah prevent mi from shoot up di whole place, an’ tun’ all mi supervisor dem inna some duppy, so mi no haffi go ah prison an’ live ‘mongst ah bag ah battyman or get heng. Even though mi get one whole heap of e-mail, fool fool deadline fi work wid, have some co-worker dem whey a chat mi behine mi back, some big heediat fi supervisor, an’ ah howl body dat kyaan’ mek it a morning time, mi nah give up because Him deh wid mi! Him presence, Him peace, an’ Him power ah go si mi through. Ah Him ah raise mi up, even when di heediat dem nah promote mi hard working self, though mi have three set a degree an’ diploma. Ah Him claim mi as fi Him own, even when di company ah threaten fi fiah mi an’ me ah threaten fi light wan fiah an’ bun di whole place ah grung. Fi Him faithfulness an’ love betta dan any bonus check, but yu si mi, a check woulda help out some time. Fi Him retirement plan betta dan every pension plan outta road, but mek anybady try rob this place yah an yuh see wha ‘appen out yah tiday: Suhmaddy bettah run to hell! When unnu done talk; Ah Him mi ah go wuk fah fi wan long time. So Tank Yuh Lord

ABC’S OF MY EX-GIRLFRIENDS (F.Y.I. They Are Thirty Three (33))

ImageA – is for Arteries.You know, the things that my ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn’t care for me – a twit. She was only after my money and could have given a shit about me.

B – is for Bitter. Who? Me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have two (2) children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!!

C – is for Call Ya Later. She wouldn’t. She never had before.

D – is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E – is for Eating Like A Pig. Remember when I took her out and she said, “I’m not hungry.” So I figured I could take her to a nice place because I was able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than Ssekyanzi (Remember Ssekyanzi, the one who was doing Sciences at E.S.S.S and used to step in his food?) So I flip the bill and was broke for the next two weeks and she wondered why I was unable to call her that week and go see movies.

F – is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if I can even stand to look at her.

G – is for Gun. And yes, there is a waiting period.

H – is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, I figure it out.

I – stands for I Still Hate Her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favours.

J – stands for Jimmy. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn’t Jim have a nice car? Doesn’t Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jimmy. Jimmy is my mortal enemy.

K – stands for Kill.

L – is for Love. It’s a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.

M – stands for Mephistopheles. That is who she worked for.

N – stands for Necrophilia. She didn’t move very much. Did she?

O – is for On Top. When she was on top, she had another O word.

P – is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now suing me for a few hundred thousand shillings a month.

Q – is for Quitter. She couldn’t last.

R – is for Rich Little Bitch. She bought my love but I paid for it.

S – stands for Suffer. That’s what she made me do.

T – is for Torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured me with the truth. She also tortured me with lies.

U – is for Understatement. Saying I Hate that Bitch is an understatement.

V – is for Voluptous. That is the primary reason I was dating her in the first place.

W – stands for Whine. She was a pro at this.

X – is for Xylophone. Because X is always for Xylophone.

Y – stands for You Suck! Remember when she yelled that at me.

Z – stands for ZIPPER. That’s what I got my hair stuck in while trying to get dressed up too quickly while she yelled “QUICK, They are Home.”

. – stands for Period. Which is a couple of weeks late because she lied about taking what P stands for. It also means you won’t be getting any for a week.